Truckin!

As of yesterday afternoon we are now the proud owners of a Toyota Tacoma! 

Mike is in Heaven!

I've never been much of a truck person, but even I like our new ride.  Mike has been wanting a Tacoma for years, and now his dream has come true!  It's a stick shift, which I think is kind of cool because I am not that great at driving stick, so it'll give me the opportunity to get better at it.  Not that I plan on driving this beast very often; I'll stick with my little Civic thank you.  But it'll be nice to know that if I want to, I can.

Not too much other news this week.  It's been crazy at work, and I did overtime last week and this week, so I feel like all I've done is work lately.  I know, wah wah.  But you get used to working three days a week (this is 12 hour shifts mind you), and sometimes any more than that can be draining.  Especially in the stressful environment that I work in.  But enough about work....TGIF!!!!

No huge plans this weekend, just dinner for a friend's 30th birthday on Saturday and work on Sunday.  Want to get in a 5 miler on Saturday too.  It's been months since I've run 5 miles, but Mike and I are determined to do it this week.  (Yeah, so that 5 miler that I needed to do last week turned into a 4 miler.)  3 today and 5 tomorrow.  I'll let you know how it goes!

On a random note, my husband is terrible with knowing the words to songs.  He proudly makes them up as he goes along, and sometimes this is hilarious.  Just had to share this one before I forget it. 

Mike's version of Lady Gaga: "I want your lovin and I want your romance, yeah I need you like a baaaagggg of pants.  Ohh oh oh oh ohhhhhh oh oh oh oh.  Caught in a bag of pants."

My response to this version that appeared while he was taking a shower at 5:30 AM: "Seriously Mike?  Bag of pants?" 

Him: "What?  That might not be right.  So what?"

Me: "Might not be right?  Come on Mike."

I laughed about this one for days.  Gotta love random Mike quotes.

Trying to stick with it

Mike and I went running a few days ago on the greenway near our house (which I love) and I have been feeling pretty good during my runs lately.  It still takes a lot of mental convincing to get me out there though.  Like this day, I complained that it was too windy.  Well, good thing I had just gotten some new gear, so whipping out my new windbreaker/rainjacket helped in the motivation department.

Ready to go!

And off we went....

Daisy is always ready...she could go for hours!

Mike is not a fan of taking pics while running like I am, so he took pics when we were done

The wind wasn't nearly as bad on the Greenway, I guess because it's protected by all of the trees down there.   I should count my blessings that all I had to worry about was the wind, because I could have been dealing with this up in PA...

This is the view from my sister's house!  She is an amazing photographer, so please don't compare the quality of my measly little pics to hers.  Crazy amounts of snow, huh?  Here is the view from my window this morning.....

And already, this afternoon it looks like this.....

So, I am ready for a nice little Saturday run.  I need to run 5 miles today...and I haven't run 5 miles in about 9 months!  But I'm trying to build back up and keep the motivation high.  My husband is not always so helpful in keeping us motivated.  Mind you, he says he wants to stick with running just as much as me, yet this is what he is doing right now...

Sooooo, looks like I'll be going at it alone.  I had an epiphany today about that actually.  If I want to stick with running and body pump classes, etc, I need to rely on myself and only myself to stay motivated.  Kinda sad, but true.  If my motivation is lacking, then let's just say that Mike's is severely lacking.  If he says he doesn't feel like it, or he'll work out tomorrow, I find myself getting secretly excited, because I don't really feel like working out either.  And then we don't.  But that has to change.  We both need to want to do it for ourselves.  Maybe he is not quite there yet, but I am done using him as an excuse for why I didn't work out.  This is about me, so I'm gonna throw on another new outfit, grab my dog, and get out there and RUN!

Runnin' fools

So when Mike and I decided to make running a part of our lives again we signed up for a bunch of races in order to force ourselves to stick with it.  (Actually, I signed us both up for a bunch of races and then told him about it later, but that's neither here nor there.)  Sadly, just getting healthy isn't motivation enough for me so I need things like upcoming races and ridiculous necklaces to keep me going.   I'll explain later.

As of a few weeks ago, we have started running on a fairly regular basis (2-4 times per week, which is huge for us) and one of our current favorite spots is a trail near the lake by our house.  We hike with our puppy on the actual dirt trail and we run on the paved section.  (I am way to clumsy to run on a trail through the woods; I would surely break my ankle or something along those lines.)  Anyway, here are some pics from our first run near that lake.

Hello, this is me!

Mike and Miss Daisy making their blog debut!  I'll add more where you can actually see their faces instead of their asses, but I love this one because the scenery is so pretty with the lake in the background.

View of the lake from the trail

Me and Daisy

Done for the day! 

(Don't worry, I made fun of Mike for the headband.  Who knows why he decided to whip that thing out of the back of the closet.)  And last, but not least....

The ridiculous necklace that I mentioned earlier.  Thought I'd get creative and take a pic of it next to my headphones.  Oh well, creative I am not.  Can't blame me for trying.

I got this necklace from a half marathon that I did last year.  They gave them out instead of medals because it was an all girls race.  The side that you can see in the picture says Annapolis 5/31/09 (also my one year wedding anniversary; and why I signed up for a race on that day is a story for another time).  The other side says Zooma (which was the name of the racing series).  My friend and I talked about how ugly the necklace was and how we'd NEVER wear it but, alas, that is how desperate I've become.  I started wearing this gem as yet another way to motivate me to run.  I put it on in January and almost never take it off.  I thought every time I looked at it it would remind me of running.  Sad, huh?  My motivation is so severely lacking that I'm willing to wear a necklace that I hate in order to keep me going.    Oh well, whatever works.  And to be honest, I've grown to like my little treasure. ☺

High hopes

Here is the last of my three journal entries.

Wednesday January 27th, 2010

I'm going to conclude my January journaling with my hopes and goals for 2010. 

#1.  Number one on my list is definitely getting pregnant.  I hate that although it is the one thing that I want most, it is also the thing I have the least control over.  But I am going to do all of the things I can do to increase my chances.  I've made an appointment already with a new ob/gyn with whom I plan to talk about our fertility issues.  I am taking prenatal vitamins, exercising more, and will lay off the booze and caffeine once March rolls around and we are "trying" again.  I just read that last sentence and laughed, as it said I "will" lay off the booze and caffeine, not that I currently "am".  But sheesh, I was essentially free and clear of that stuff for months on end in 2009 while we were trying to get pregnant.  I figured in our 2 month hiatus it's ok to indulge in a latte and a cocktail every now and then, right?  Anyway, so that is my number one goal for 2010.

#2.  Stick with running.  I am signing up for a lot of races lately because they keep me running and I really enjoy racing.  Not that I am fast or competitive by any stretch of the imagination, but the atmosphere and vibe at a race really give me that running high!  The rest of these goals are in no particular order.

#3.  Stick with Body Pump.  It's the class that I probably enjoy most at the gym and it's empowering to feel toned and strong!

#4.  Try Yoga.  I've done yoga 2 or 3 randon times in my life, but I'd love to get into it.  It strengthens your core, makes you more felxible (both things that I desperately need), and most importantly, provides a mental relaxation and release that everyone needs from time to time.  I'd love to love it.

#5.  Keep up with this journal and turn it into a blog.  Yay!  One thing crossed off the list already!  Blog... check, got it!  Writing is really therapeutic and I feel better emotionally already after just three entires.  I want to turn it into a blog because I feel like I am experiencing things that a lot of people can relate to, and I'd love to help people and have them help me.  But, in all honesty, even if no one ever reads it besides my husband and my sister, that is 100% fine with me.  The main purpose is for me; so that I can have that release by writing, and so that I have a journal chronicaling the thoughts and experiences of my life.   

#6.  Keep a cleaner house.  I think this one may have to be fulfilled via a cleaning lady, because I just don't keep up with it the way I want to.  I interviewed 2 cleaning ladies today and will probably start using one of them twice a month.  I feel so much more relaxed and at peace when my house is neat and clean, yet I hate spending every day off making that happen.  So for me, hiring someone is well worth it.

#7.  Take charge of our finances.  Specifically retirement.  We need to open Roth IRA's and move the money out of our traditional IRA's.  The longer we wait, the more money we lose.  I need to make an appointment with the financial planner that my mom got us an appointment with as a wedding gift.  (Yes, our wedding was almost 2 years ago and we still haven't made that appointment!)  I also need to make a spreadsheet of the money we put into improving our house.  It's all so daunting to me, so I keep putting it off, which only makes it more daunting.  2010 will be the year I get on it!  Take charge of my money and take charge of my life!

#8.  Start cooking.  I am not a cook by any stretch of the imagination.  I barely ever do it because I am truly clueless in the kitchen.  I would love to have cooking lessons or take a class or something to get me started.  But I guess, just finding some recipes and trying it would get me started just as easily.  I want Mike and I to eat healthier, and I know that starts with eating out less and eating in more.  So, I vow to start cooking for us.

#9.  Live in the moment.  (Once again, quoting the Dog Whisperer.)  I want to really enjoy my life as it is right now; me, Mike, and Daisy dog, with all of our travels, late nights out, sleeping in, and just doing whatever we feel like doing.  I know these days won't last forever, so I really want to live it up, take it all in, and enjoy my life as it is right now, in this moment.

So, there you have it.  The last of the pre-blog journal entries.  Bye-bye book bound journal... hello internet blog!  I have lots of ideas swimming around in my head to blog about and I can't wait to start! 

Thanks 2009!

Here is journal entry #2 of 3.  Don't worry, it is a much lighter read than the last one.... and, bonus!, you shouldn't feel like you need to take an antidepressant after this entry. 

Saturday January 16th, 2010


So after pulling a muscle in my back and being in pretty severe pain for a lot of the week, I finally feel well enough to write again.  And being that last week's entry was kinda depressing (I mean, how many times did I use the word "disappointed"?), this entry is going to be written on a much more positive note.  This entry is dedicated to the many things that I'm thankful for from 2009.


#1. My marraige.   
     The end of 2009 marked the end of our very first year as a married couple, and it really was a great year.  I am constantly reminded, with so many little things, of how lucky I am to have found such a great partner in life.  He is really and truly my very best friend. The one I run to with good news or bad, the one I look to for advice, the person whose opinion I value the most. He is a caring, loyal, gentle person, and he treats me like the princess that I am (haha). I can be 100% myself around him, and because he is not easily offended or overly sensitive, I never feel like I'm walking on eggshells.  We love and accept each other how we are, have so much fun together, and have the same life goals.  Some people made me a little bit nervous before I got married, saying how everything changes, even if you've lived together first.  I am happy to report that for us, that wasn't true.  I loved our life before we got married, and our relationship is every bit as good now, if not better, than it was before.  So, for my marraige, I am very grateful.


#2.  My puppy.
       Mike and I rescued our little Daisy dog in March of 2009, and she has been such a great addition to our family.  She has taught us a lot about ourselves and each other, and we are both better, more balanced people by having her.  (Thank you Cesar Millan!)  Although raising a puppy is surely trying at times, her unconditional love melts my heart, and I want to be the best pack leader for her that I can be.  (Can you tell that I'm slightly obsessed with the Dog Whisperer??)


#3.  My sister.
       I really should extend this one to include my family in general because I am thankful for all of them, last year and every other year of my life.  But my sister is truly my sounding board for all things.  I tell her everything; the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I know she'll always give me honest feedback.  I treasure our relationship and the friendship that it has become over the years.


#4.  Travel.
       Mike and I have been so lucky to do so much traveling during our years together, and 2009 was no exception.  Now, don't get me wrong, we're not jetsetting to exotic places every other week or anything, but we do travel away from home quite frequently, and anytime I'm not home and working, it's considered a vacation to me!  To name a few, we went to:


-Deep Creek, Maryland for New Year's with a bunch of friends
-Atlantic City to celebrate my sister's 25th birthday
-Cocoa Beach, Florida to visit my grandparents
-Savannah for a night and Charleston for a night on the way back from Florida
-Little Gasparilla Island, Florida for a spring break
-our hometowns in PA several times
-Annapolis, Maryland to run a half-marathon on our one year anniversary (funny story)
-my cabin with the fam in central PA
-a Beer and Wine Festival in Virginia with friends over the 4th of July
-the beach of NC with Mike's family...and then again with my family
-Penn State for a football game
-Bahamas for a work conference for Mike
-and finished off the year going to my sister's house in Philly for the first time for Christmas


Whew, we are traveling fools if I do say so myself!


#5.  My job.
       I am a nurse at a teaching hospital, and I know how lucky I am because I truly love my job.  I enjoy the challenge, the comraderie, the sense of accomplishment, all of it.  And my flexible schedule of working just 3 twelve hour shifts a week is what has afforded me the luxury of all of my travel without having to take time off of work.  Mike has similar scheduling flexibility, and for that we are blessed.  We have stable jobs in this uncertain economy and we know how lucky we are.  A friend once said to us "You are the only people I know who have to fit in work in between all of your vacations, and not the other way around".  Crazy, but true!


#6.  Our house.
       We bought it in 2008, not 2009, but we have done a lot to it this past year.  By saying "we" have done a lot, I really mean we hired people to do a lot, because handy is one thing we are not.  Sorry Mike, but let's just admit it.  Our big projects of 2009 were granite countertops in the kitchen and redoing the deck in the backyard (and adding a hot tub to the top tier of the deck!).  Our house is perfect for us right now, and we both truly love it, which is so important.


#7.  My health and the health of my loved ones.
      Now, although Mike jokingly calls me a genetic degenerate because he claims that I am "always" sick (not true I tell you!), in general I am blessed with a healthy body.  Sure, I may get colds more frequently than most, my allergies are a never ending annoyance, and my knees bother me from time to time while running.  But really, in the scheme of things, these things are so minor.  My family is healthy, my friends are healthy, and I am healthy, and for that I am so grateful.  This really hit me hard this past year while I was at a memorial service for a co-worker's husband.  It was truly an awful situation, and when I looked around the funeral home I mentioned outloud to some other co-workers that I had never been to a funeral home before.  They all looked at me in utter shock.  Yes, I had never been to a funeral home before that day, and to this day I have never been to a funeral.  This isn't because I refuse to go; it's because I have never had someone that close to me die.  (I can't help but wince as I write this, but I don't believe in jinxing.)  I am blessed to have all 4 of my grandparents active and healthy, along with everyone else in my family at this point.  I know that this state of bliss will not last forever, and at some point my world will come crashing down when someone close to me leaves this Earth for the eternal life in Heaven, but for now I am grateful that 2009 kept me and those that I love in good health.


Whew, another long entry.  Much longer than I anticipated, but I realized that trying to make a list of things that you are grateful for from an entire year is no easy task.  It was a lot of general categories, so I felt the need to elaborate.  I've decided that I'm going to really try to appreciate the little things in life, so I will incorporate things that I am thankful for more frequently.  The categories won't be as broad, and I can stop and focus in every once in awhile on all of the little things that make life so amazing.

2 journal entries down and one to go.  Then I can move on to real time blogging just about whatever might be going on in my everyday life.  Can't wait to start!

A Look Back

So I've decided to include my first few journal entries into this blog in order to make them interchangeable.  Goodbye to my book-bound journal and hello to my cyber journal.  Here is my first entry.

January 9th, 2010


Welcome 2010!  I have big hopes for you this year, and I'm praying that you don't disappoint.


Let's start off with a look at 2009.  Overall it was a great year and I have a lot to be thankful for, but there are 2 main things that disappointed me.  I was disappointed with myself for one of the things, and disappointed with my circumstances for the other.  I'll start off with venting about these things; get the bad out of the way, and then I'll move on to things that I am grateful that 2009 brought me, and things that I am hopeful for in 2010.


So, the first of the big disappointments in 2009 was one that I brought on myself: my lack of exercise.  Running mostly, but also all of the other physical fitness things that make me feel good about myself.  Now, I'm not saying that I feel bad about myself in general, but I have been feeling kind of blah lately, and I know that my lack of exercise is one of the reasons why.  I have completely, 100% fallen off of the exercise wagon, and I've been off of it for so long that the wagon is completely out of sight.  I mean, it has been months since I've "worked out" and sadly, that's not even a new thing for me.  I know how much better I feel when I work out, so I don't know why I can't don't just get out there and do it!  As noted above, it's not that I can't, it's just that I don't.  And for that I am very disappointed in myself.  I vow to be better to myself in 2010 and thanks to my current favorite blogger chicrunner , I think I know how.


Onto my second big disappointment in 2009.  This one is due to circumstances beyond my control, but I am so disappointed that I'm not pregnant by now.  There, I've said it.  This is a hard one, because it is something that consumes my thoughts so much of the time, but it is also something that I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about.  That was one of my reasons for buying this journal (or starting this blog), so this topic may be appearing in here a lot.


A couple's decision to get pregnant, and when, is a very personal thing; something you don't go broadcasting for this very reason.  You might have problems, and in my opinion, we are having problems.  We've been trying to get pregnant since June, complete with ovulation kits and fertility tests, with no success.  It's so disheartening that I can't even describe it.  The tests indicate that there shouldn't be any problem, yet here I am...still no baby in this belly.  Each month when I get my period I feel like crying.  In August I thought for sure that I was pregnant.  I felt a little nauseous on a few mornings, and my period was 2 weeks late.  2 weeks! (and I'm usually fairly regular).  I think I took a pregnancy test 3 different times in those 2 weeks, and each one looked just the opposite of how I wanted it to look.  Whether it was one pink line, the word "no", or a (-) symbol, they all meant the same thing.  I was not pregnant, and I so desperately wished that I was. 


I've taken a few more of those tests in the past few months and it's been more of the same.  As each month passes by with the start of my period yet again, I feel less and less hopeful and more and more fearful.  What if it's not in the cards for us?  I've gone through life thinking that whenever my husband and I decided that we wanted a baby, 9 months later we'd have one.  If that was the case I'd be about to pop.  Instead, my body only consists of me, myself, and I.  No little one growing inside of me...yet. 


It's not that I've lost hope completely, but I am disappointed, and it's something that I think about almost every. single. day.  And that has been hard on me.  Especially when I feel like I have no one to share these frustrations with.  And don't get me wrong, I talk to Mike about it, but I just end up thinking that talking to him really doesn't help our cause at all.  I mean, I think I'm already stressed out enough for the both of us, and stressing him out even more won't help our chances of getting pregnant.  It's just sad because, being comepletely honest, it's taken away from our sex life.  Not the amount of sex, oh no, don't worry, we have that calculated to a T; but the spontaneity and simple joy of being as close as humanly possible to the person you love most in the world.  Our sex life has become so calculated, and at times, so forced.  And then I find myself getting upset...and then hating myself for it.  You always picture the conception of a baby as this perfect, magical time; not a time where it doesn't matter if you have to run out the door in 5 minutes, you have to do it and do it now, because now's "the time".  Really kinda takes the fun out of it.
 
I also find myself getting jealous whenever I hear that someone else is pregnant.  Could be anyone from a close friend, to an aquaintance at work, to a girl on a blog that I follow.  Instead of an immediate feeling of excitement for these people in this joyful time in their lives, I feel jealousy and resentment towards them...and once again, I hate myself for feeling that way.  I keep thinking "Why them and not us?"   Why, why, why?  It's not fair; we want it so badly and I really do think we'd make great parents.  We're taking a few months off from "trying", because on the off chance that I'd get pregnant now I'd be due right around my sis and J's wedding, and I'm not about to miss my only sister's wedding.


I think you can tell which of my big 2009 problems bothered me more based on the sheer number of paragraphs it took me to vent about this one compared to the whopping one paragraph about exercise.  But I think this pregnancy break that Mike and I are taking will be good for us.  We can refocus on just being with each other and being happy with that.  After all, we have a great life, a great marraige, and a great family already.  Me, Mike, and Daisy dog.  I really do love my life, and I pray for more joys in 2010.

So that was my very first journal entry.  Depressing, I know.  And obscenely long.  Sorry about that too.  But it's real, and I just had to vent about the feelings that I've been keeping pent up lately.  In general, I am a very happy person, and I promise the upcoming posts (journal entries) are written on a more upbeat note.  See you then!

Hello World!

Welcome to my blog, my journey, my life.  Starting this blog is something that I've been back and forth with for awhile.  I had been wanting to start writing in a journal for awhile now, and had secretly been wanting to start a blog too, but it's kind of a scary thing.  My sister asked me what on earth I would blog about.  Valid point, no clue.  My wonderful husband Mike then follows it up by stating that I wasn't that creative or that interesting.  He was joking of course...I hope.

Anywho, here I am.  I did start the journal to ring in the new year and after I read my first few entries to the hubs, he said that I should turn my journal into a blog.  Aha!  He changed his tune about my apparent very boring self.  Nonetheless, use my blog as a journal?  Very scary.  I'd really be putting myself out there, literally.  But I decided to go for it for a few reasons.

One, some of the things that I'm going through are probably things that a lot of other people can relate to.  So if anyone ever reads this (and that's a big if), maybe they will find comfort knowing that someone else is going through the same stuff.  On a lighter note, I just want to chronical my life with all of it's experiences, feelings, and hopefully pictures (if I ever become even slightly computer savvy and figure it out).

I ultimately want to blog for myself, so that I can look back one day and remember what my life was like right now, in this moment.  Ok, deep breath...about to click "Publish Post"